Having hit and hurdled a few major personal milestones, I’ve been wanting to share some of my personal experiences on the blog via a series of thoughts about work, love and life that I have learned in my years. I hope that my words can be of inspiration to some, lessons to others or even just a point of reflection; something to think about. Everyone’s experiences are so different in life, as are their goals and objectives to living a happy life. Some plan all along the way, others follow their feet. I don’t think there is any right or wrong way to live or to be, however I do think that their are lots of common threads that do correlate to true happiness and success. I feel compelled to share these with you on this blog post as they mean a lot to me and for sure determine my moves on my next steps on this very exciting decade to come – my thirties!
In NO particular order:
The Things I’v learn at 30:
How I want to dress.
I really do feel so much more at ease with myself in the things I wear and the clothes I invest in. I’m making much better wardrobe decisions and trying to make new items work with the older things I love in my wardrobe already. Of course I don’t think it’s about getting overly regimented, but I’m less likely to invest heavily in fashion ‘fashion’ pieces like a bright orange fluffy coat and I’m more likely to invest in an Isabel Marant long grey tweed coat. Boring? Perhaps, but I think seasons, special occassions and accessories give more leeway for expressing wild tendencies. It’s also ALL about the styling. You can totally change the look of an old classic item, like a the tweed coat for example, by just switching it up with some new pieces, creating an entirely new look in itself. I feel like this is my format now, of course with a few wild cards along the way to keep a fun edge to my wardrobe. Boom.
So, I’m really into meditation and mindfulness. Before I lose you, I’m just going to talk about food and eating mindfully, eating with a conscience and thinking about what you eat, and using your brain when you’re eating it. I’m not saying do what you like and fulfill all your urges like order pizza at 3am, however when you’re eating your meals, stop when you’re full. Don’t pointlessly shovel food in just because it’s there. Visa-versa, don’t starve yourself or go on fad diets. From my experience they don’t work. Your body tends to know what you need. If you mix that with the knowledge of your brain i.e. knowing that fruits, vegetables and a balanced diet is good for you and to not overdo it with the sugar etc. you’re onto a winning streak of feeling better about the food choices you make and overall how you feel in general. I would definitely recommend any books on mindfulness as it’s a game changer to many aspects of life.
Who my real friends are.
Entering a huge world of ‘online’ where it’s likely someone knows exactly who you are and a number of things about you before you’ve ever met them. I spent a heck of a lot of time in my twenties surrounded by so many interesting and amazing people of whom Iv made such an effort with. This is the wonderful thing about your 20s, is that it doesn’t really matter who you meet, or how you met them. It just matters that you get on, have a laugh and are there for each other when shit hits the fan. I would say that deepset loyalty, unconditional love and true compassion are rare as hell and it often proves a chance to shine at massive life events where people show their true colours. It’s amazing the friends that really do step up, whilst it’s also a great shame shame and disappointment of the ones who really let you down. Overall it’s the perfect opportunity to sift out the good from the bad, which can help you invest more quality time with those who deserve you and visa versa, you deserve.
I have made some big mistakes in my 20s. Caring too much and giving way too much of my love, generosity, and time to everyone I consider a friend. Trusting far too many hands with my feelings and worries which has truly bitten me back hard and been thrown right back in my face. The tactic for putting this negativity behind me? For starters I have tried to not beat myself up for caring or hurting about the loss of a friends (for long) because it’s only natural and proves I have a heart and soul – which is a GOOD thing. However in your 30s, respecting yourself is primary. If ‘friends’ don’t make it easy for you or give you those open arms that you’ve always given to them, fuckem, move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea and the likelihood is: you’re better off
without them. There is so much really bad stuff going on in the world so why deal with it in your own friendship circle? Normally toxic behaviour comes from a place where someone is feeling rather awful about themself for whatever reason, which isn’t very nice at all. However toxic people can be hurtful without even knowing it. You cannot help after everyone so if they are sabotaging you in any way shape or form, know that they are only doing it to make themselves feel better. Best let the toxic deal with themselves and move far away, bless them, wish them all the best (in your mind even if you don’t get the chance to do it face to face) and ce la vie.
If you highly respect someone’s morals, beliefs and actions, they should be your friend. On the contrary, if you think someone is not a nice person, by the things they say about others or how they treat people, don’t compromise yourself and make them company. Everyone has an easy side to them which can allow you to associate with them, however I think that people over time generally don’t change and if you think they are an asshole for many logical reasons, it’s likely they are, and you also can become an asshole by hanging out with them. I have made this mistake before. Being allured into friendships with people that I had all the red flag signs for from day one. Yet I fell into the trap only to be grouped in with them too and start behaving like them also. Sounds really mental I know but time is a good tell sign on this, and you do really turn into the five people you spend most of your time with, so pick your peeps wisely. 30s is much clearer for that.
It took me a good through years throughout my twenties, to ditch the face wipes, exfoliate on the regular and look into extra means of age prevention. I have found that a few minutes dedicated twice a day with some loyal and quality products on rotation is the way forward and the way to stay on top of maintaining great skin. I think lifestyle, food and water intake has a HUGE part to play in this. So know, that over doing it with the late nights and booze will have long term effects on your skin no matter how invincible you think you are in your twenties. I have a monster beauty post coming up in the next week or so so stay tuned. I have also added what I’m currently using below for you to shop.
Authenticity is the way forward. It’s easy to for everyone to be your ‘babe’ and to throw a casual ‘love you’ to your mates at the end of a phone conversation. I’m suddenly finding the overuse of willy nilly endearment slightly disingenuous. I even am less cheap with kisses at the end of emails or texts. Why not express endearment when you actually feel like it as opposed to using it on autopilot. I’m staggered by the amount of people I have been spoken like that to for years, only to find that there is barely a backbone to the friendship let alone any ounce of actual love and care for that person (I later realised). I have often been duped into the trap of thinking that’s that kind of treatment of course means there is something real between you and the person, when actually it’s based on a load of fake bollocks. It’s not a bad thing you do when you really mean it, however just to not throw it around like it’s really cheap. With a lot of my ride or die people, we actually rarely say ‘I love you’ much, and when you do it really is meant. Fakeness doesn’t do anyone any favours.
Another prime example and this is social media specific, is not explicitly claiming that everything is ‘AMAZING’ or ‘THE DREAM’. Well… your avocado on toast at your local deli isn’t really ‘the dream’ is it? I often have fallen into those easy traps of expression on Instagram. After all, we want to promote, inspire and be positive, which is a really great thing. However, let’s get a bit creative and be a little bit more compelling when we write, or, just not write anything at all. Surely if everything we talk about is THE DREAM or AMAZING, it entirely devalues everything we talk about. Even in my work as well I try and work hard of not being too ‘perfect’ on my Instagram, keeping the sheets creased and allowing the mess to be seen, as after all that’s how life really is sometimes.
Overall, allow your skin to be slightly speckled, let your frizzy hair frizz out every now and then and don’t stress about not being a size zero in your bikini photos. Note that I’m partly speaking to myself when I say these things, because as hard as it is to be sometimes, true authenticity is beautiful and fakeness get’s dull. Keep it fucking real always.
The fact is, it’s a huge world out there and you can’t please and appease everyone. I have certainly learned this with the blog. For example I’ve always had comments about my knees being knobbly. I was a bit hurt initially but now I actually couldn’t give a damn or even think twice about it. People who criticise and complain often have issues themselves and we all know that NO one is perfect which is why we should celebrate differences and idiosyncrasies instead of isolating them and calling them out as downfalls. Not to buy into the disposable
I think of this motto with fashion, beauty, things and friendships. I no longer want to buy a load of cheap crap that gives me an instant high, wear it a few times then working on ways to try and shift it somehow or get rid of it. In the same way with relationships and friends. I’m in it for the long run. I think this moto is how I actually found my husband – or how he found me too. From the moment we met it was clear that we both wanted some longevity in a relationship, acceptance of all kinds, knowing that if we come into problems we can at least try and fix them somehow and not throw our foundations away. I like to pick the people I make good company with in the same way I buy my clothes. A deep set loyalty, great quality and NOT disposable at least for a little while *we can all make an acceptance to the odd guilty pleasure and by that I mean Zara and Topshop, not assholes*.
I know it sounds biblical, that’s because it very much is. Material things, relationships and people can all disappear tomorrow. Loving, appreciating and caring for what you have is completely the way forward and reminds you to never take things for granted. I also think you become a much nicer person to be around and much happier inside. This point sits very closely to that disposable lifestyle that I was talking about above. It’s so easy to focus on what you want and don’t have, that it’s easy to forget an enjoy what you do. Life can then become an ongoing cycle of expectation and disappointment, all leading you down the opposite path of being an abundant happy bunny.
Hard work does pay off.
Feeling a little frustrated in your 20s? Yep that’s kind what your 20s are about. Some people are just god damn jammy and find their feet with their work well into their 20s. But for most it’s a long and hard graft which can seem never ending. Rest assured that all the moves you make and the decisions you take will eventually pay off and it will all seem worth it. Focus on enjoying that journey as opposed to only feeling contempt when you have achieved your goals because it’s a much healthier way of going about it. Life is good and will get better.
Comparing yourself to others gets you nowhere.
Everyone has their own way of doing things, getting places and being. You can’t possibly compare yourself to others because you don’t know how that other person went about it, even if you think you do. Best to only compare yourself to the one and only you, and you’ll likely exceed all of your own personal targets. Know that you can never win when comparing yourself to the world because there is alway someone who has more in every sense of the word. One thing they don’t have is you, everything you stand for and your supercalifragilistic-ness, so honour yourself and be the best of you and no one else.
Trusting your instincts and going with your gut.
Yep, it’s time to be an adult now. I put so much weight on decision making on all the close people around me, like my parents, my boyfriend (husband now) or friends. It’s best to trust your own judgement on the decisions you make and stick to them without doubt. Failure is one of the best recurring factors of your 20s and was certainly mine, over and over again. Let downs of all sorts, relationships, work and bad choices in general. All of these faux pas have led me to a better pathway and an overall better outcome. Now I’m that bit older I definitely have more confidence in my own decisions especially when it comes to negotiating my self worth which is really important when your self employed too. Go with that gut.
Make more time for loved ones.
Family, pets, friends (the good kind), love them fiercely. Continue to invest quality time with them and put them first. One of my things in my 30’s is to spend more time with my parents. They are the post amazing humans and they created me and have supported me through everything. I’m ashamed to say that I didn’t give them enough airtime that they deserved during my busy 20s. We all are guilty of not making enough time for each other generally, so I want to make more time with them in my 30s.
Over and out. Happy birthday to me – wohoo!
I want to talk more about love, life and work. If you enjoyed this post please do comment as I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Sending a lot of love to the world (and I really mean it).